What is the best band name never ever invented?

the best band name in history

I asked from my Facebook entourage about the best band name ever invented. The result was quite as I expected.

The Classic Names.

These hippies needed a haircut!

Oh, the good old times! In the past, naming the bands was so easy, because names weren’t taken. Today… Take a word or two, write those to Google and add “the band” to the search. Most likely you’ll get some “band” to the search results.

Rolling Stones. Well it does sound good and describes the Rock’n’Roll mammoth perfectly. They must have been made of stone and they are still rolling.

The Beatles. There was some argument after someone played the B-card. Is it amazingly dumb name or just incredibly genius one? The name also describes the band and the era very well. It is naïve but playful and definitely not too serious.

Motörhead. This is a wonderful name. And again it describes perfectly the content of the adrenalized speed-freak train. Motörhead was extremely LOUD.

The Doors. OK – the name was taken from the title of Aldous Huxley’s book The Doors of Perception – so you might say that name stands pretty well for the creepy hippie rock in the world of Charles Manson, LSD and freaky sex.

Sex Pistols. For this name I’m ambivalent. What the f..ck that even means? But at the time provocation was the purpose and the only purpose. Sex and guns – yes – there’s your provocation par excellence.

Never grow old!

“Misantropic Painforest, and this is the most clearest black metal logo I’ve ever seen”

Subheading needs an explanation. People form the bands when they’re quite young – usually teenagers. That’s why we have names like this:

Cock and ball torture. German grindcore / death metal band with an extraordinary childish name. I don’t know if I need to giggle or judge this because I’m old. Band’s first EP name Cocktales (1998) must have been a blast when invented. There’s a reference to Ducktales, a children’s program from the 90’s.

Anal Cunt. Band of an American grind/HC legend Seth Putnam. Let’s see what else Seth put together:

Vaginal Jesus

Satan’s Warriors

Shit Scum

Full Blown a.i.d.s.


Adolf Satan

Really grown up, right? There must be thousands of bands as mature as the few examples above, and thousands still to come.

Free Entry. Free Entry toured with Free Beer. These guys must have had sooooooo much fun.

Misantropical Painforest. Personally, I almost pissed in my pants when I first heard the band’s name. This Finnish black metal project itself isn’t really matter of a laugh. Dark shit.

This Bike Is a Pipe Bomb, a folk punk band from Florida. They had an awfully long name that turned out to be really a good one. People had hysteric reactions to the band’s stickers on bikes. Funny, maybe – Childish, absolutely.

“And the winner is…”

First of all, this shouldn’t be a competition. But because I made this as a competition, a winner has to be announced…

The Velvet Underground. You can taste the sweet sin in the name, can’t you? Its Hypnotic and dangerous.

Propagandhi. Wordplay, which completely describes this Canadian peace-loving agitating punk group.

Suede. Another fabric related “perfect band name” from the time when bands needed to have just one word as a name. For me Oasis, Blur, Pulp or Verve are just words. Suede sounds just like Suede.

A Perfect Circle. In our universe there’re no perfect circles. So the name itself gives me a mathematic-philosophical trip. It is impressive from three words, no?

Slayer. Can you see the logo of Slayer front of your eyes? Can you hear “Angel of Death” in your head? The most powerful and the most descriptive band name. The winner.

slayer be tomi palsa
Slayer. Image thanks to photographer Tomi Palsa https://www.flickr.com/photos/tomipalsaphotography/

Slayer among the others will play 01.06.2017 at Primavera Sound. The others groups with awesome name in Primavera Sound’s band list are:

Joy Orbison, Tired Lion, Bicep, Descendents, Run The Jewels, Swans, Diealright, Teenage Fanclub, Let’s Eat Grandma, Cymbals Eat Guitars, BadBadNotGood, Broken Social Scene, Astronaut Project, and much much more (this is not a band name. Seriously).

Some of the names mentioned above are Dj’s, obviously. Maybe it’s easier to give yourself a funny name than try to get acceptance from the others – who are too serious about the music.

Primavera Sound: 31st of May – 4th of Juny 2017 in Barcelona, Spain.

What is your choice for the best band name ever invented?

your choiseGive us your choice and favorite band name at Facebook or in the comment section below this article.